Young People Using Violence at Home
Support for parents, carers and family members experiencing abuse or violent behaviour from a young person
If you’re a parent, carer or relative, you may be experiencing violent or abusive behaviour from a young person in your home. This can include yelling, threats, property damage, or physical aggression. You may feel intimidated, controlled, or unsure how to respond. It can be difficult to make sense of what’s happening, and to recognise that this behaviour is abuse and a form of family violence.
Violence is never your fault, and it is not just “normal teenage behaviour.” Many parents and carers describe feeling stressed, guilty or ashamed, and wondering if they are to blame. Young people may act violently for various reasons, but violence and abuse are never healthy or respectful.
You and your family deserve to feel safe and respected, and support is available to help you understand what’s happening and explore your options.
What is adolescent violence in the home (AVITH)?
Violence from a young person towards a parent, carer, sibling or other family member is often referred to as adolescent violence in the home (AVITH). It involves patterns of behaviour used to intimidate, control, create fear or cause harm, and goes beyond typical teenage behaviour or “acting out”.
Research shows that young people who use violence at home are often aged between 10 and 17 and that mothers are the most common targets of abuse1, though this behaviour can impact anyone in a caring role, including kinship carers, foster carers and other family members.
What can violence from a young person look like?
Young people may use a combination of behaviours, including:
- Physical: hitting, kicking, throwing objects, damaging property
- Emotional: yelling, insults, threats, manipulation
- Financial: stealing money, demanding purchases, creating debt
- Sexual: inappropriate sexual behaviour, pornography use
Myth: “They’re just letting off steam, they can’t help it.”
Fact: Abusive young people can control their behaviour.
They choose to use violent or abusive actions to control and disempower you.
Myth: “They are victims too, so it’s excusable.”
Fact: Trauma may be a factor, but it is never an excuse for abuse.
Understanding what could be behind the behaviour
Some factors may make abusive behaviour more likely, more severe, or harder to manage, including:
- Substance misuse
- Mental health challenges
- Trauma, loss, or exposure to family violence
- Sexist or over-entitled attitudes
- Temperament
It’s important to remember that none of these things directly cause violence. They can help explain what is happening, but they do not excuse the behaviour.
What you can do if a young person is using violence at home
If you’re experiencing this behaviour, you don’t have to manage it on your own. Abuse can feel isolating and you might feel unsure about what to do, but it’s important to let others know what’s happening.
Breaking the silence by finding a safe place to talk about what’s going on at home, whether with trusted family and friends or support services, can be the first step on your journey to regaining control and healing your relationship with your child.
There are ways to support yourself and your family:
- Break the silence and seek support: Abuse thrives in silence. Speaking with someone can help you understand your options.
- Set clear boundaries: Clear and consistent expectations can help create structure and safety at home, even if they are challenged or resisted. Support workers can help you explore what this might look like for your situation.
- Make a safety plan: Think about how you and others in your home can stay safe, including how to leave quickly if needed. For more information, see 1800RESPECT Safety Planning.
- Know your legal options: Intervention orders may be available in some situations, even if the young person lives at home. For more information, refer to the Victoria Legal Aid booklet “Safe at Home.”
How services are supporting families
In Victoria, services are changing how they respond when a young person uses violence at home. These changes are guided by the MARAM Framework (2024–2026) and aim to improve safety, reduce harm, and support positive change.
- Looking at the whole picture: Workers consider both the harm the young person is causing and any trauma or harm they may have experienced themselves
- Age-appropriate, trauma-informed support: Workers use approaches that match a young person’s age and needs, helping them learn safer ways to cope and communicate
- More coordinated support for families: Schools, youth services, mental health services and family violence practitioners are working together more closely, so families don’t have to repeat their story
- Focus on safety and change — not punishment: Victoria’s newer approaches aim to keep everyone safe while helping young people take responsibility and make safer choices2
Getting Support
Our trained support workers can talk through what’s happening and help you understand your options, at your own pace.
You can call WIRE on 1300 134 130, start a web chat, or book an appointment.
Emergency Support
| Emergency Services | Call 000 if you or someone is in immediate danger |
Legal Support
WIRE recognises that women and gender diverse people can face barriers to accessing legal support and can help connect you with trusted services that understand family violence.
| Nicholes Law | Website: https://nicholeslaw.com.au/ Phone: 03 9670 4122 |
| Victoria Legal Aid | Website: https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/ Phone: 1300 792 387 |
Family & Violence Support
| WIRE | Website: https://www.wire.org.au/ Phone: 1300 134 130 |
| The Orange Door (Family violence & child support) | Website: https://www.orangedoor.vic.gov.au/ |
| Family Relationship Advice Line (Help with relationships & separation) | Website: https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/talk-someone/advice-line Phone: 1800 050 321 |
| 1800RESPECT (24/7 family violence counselling) | Website: https://1800respect.org.au/ Phone: 1800 737 732 |
| SafeSteps Family Violence Response Centre (Vic) | Website: https://safesteps.org.au/our-services/ Phone: 1800 015 188 |
| Raising Children Network (Parenting strategies, behaviour tips, and relationship resources) | Website: https://raisingchildren.net.au/ |
| The Line (Resources for young people and parents around respectful relationships and changing harmful behaviour) | Website: https://www.theline.org.au/ |
| Kids Helpline | Website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ Phone: 1800 55 1800 |
| Victorian Sexual Assault Crisis Line | Phone: 1800 806 292 (after hours) / 03 8345 3494 (police/emergency) |
| CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault) | Website: https://www.casahouse.com.au/contact-us Phone: 1800 806 292 |
| Victims of Crime Helpline (Vic) | Phone: 1800 819 817 |
Online Support
| eSafety Commissioner (Help with cyberstalking, image-based abuse, and online safety) | Website: esafety.gov.au |
| Wesnet (Provides free smartphone and tech safety training to women experiencing violence) | Website: https://wesnet.org.au/ Phone: 1800 937 638 |
Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Support
| Yarning Safe’N’Strong Helpline (24/7 cultural wellbeing support) | Website: https://www.vahs.org.au/yarning-safenstrong/ Phone: 1800 959 563 (24/7) |
| 13YARN (Crisis support for mob) | Website: https://www.13yarn.org.au/ Phone: 13 92 76 (24/7) |
| Djirra (Support for Aboriginal women) | Website: https://djirra.org.au/ Phone: 1800 105 303 |
LGBTQIA+ Support
| QLife (LGBTQIA+ peer counselling) | Website: https://qlife.org.au/ Phone: 1800 184 527 |
Mental Health Support
| Australian Psychological Society (Find a registered psychologist) | Website: https://psychology.org.au/ Phone: 03 8662 3300 |
| Lifeline (24/7 crisis counselling) | Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/ Phone: 13 11 14 (24/7) |
| Beyond Blue (Support for anxiety & depression) | Website: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ Phone: 1300 22 4636 |
| Better Place Australia (Counselling & family support) | Website: https://www.betterplaceaustralia.com.au/ Phone: 1800 639 523 |
Multicultural & Migration Support
| InTouch (Multicultural Centre Against Family Violence) | Website: https://intouch.org.au/ Phone: 1800 755 988 |
| My Blue Sky (Forced Marriage & Migration Exploitation) | Website: https://mybluesky.org.au/ Phone: 02 9514 8115 |
| Immigration Advice & Rights Centre | Website: https://iarc.org.au/ Phone: 02 8234 0700 |
| Australian Red Cross (Support for Trafficked People Program) | Website: https://www.redcross.org.au/migration/support-for-people-impacted-by-modern-slavery/ Phone: 03 9345 1800 |
| Australian Muslim Women’s Centre for Human Rights | Website: https://amwchr.org.au/ Phone: 03 9481 3000 |
Financial Support
| Financial Independence Hub | Website: https://goodshep.org.au/services/fih/ Phone: 1300 050 150 |
| National Debt Helpline | Website: https://ndh.org.au/ Phone: 1800 007 007 |
| Centrelink Financial Information Service Officers | Website: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/financial-information-service-officers?context=21836 Phone: 132 300 |
Elder Support
| National Elder Abuse Helpline | Phone: 1800 353 374 |
Preferences
[1] Fitz-Gibbon, K., Elliott, K. and Maher, J. (2018). Investigating Adolescent Family Violence in Victoria: Understanding Experiences and Practitioner Perspectives – Executive Summary. Monash Gender and Family Violence Research Program, Faculty of Arts, Monash University.