Separation - Leaving a Relationship (Download a pdf version of this information sheet) The break up of a marriage or domestic relationship can be a very stressful and traumatic time. Often coming at the end of a long and difficult process, the decision to leave is not usually an easy one ­ especially if children are involved. This is why it's so important to get as much information about your rights and options, as early as possible. Knowing the facts can help increase your control over the situation, and will enable you to realistically plan for your future. In the end, no matter what you decide, you'll want to feel that the choices you've made will lead to a new life or a new way of living ­ one which will help you feel good about yourself and confident about the future. Commonly held myths There are always myths surrounding important life events. These are some that you might have heard about ending a relationship. You're not a whole person if you're not in a relationship. Marriage is supposed to be for life. Children need both parents, so it's better to stay together for their sake. Single mothers have it `easy', receiving social security payments and child support from the father. Women who leave their children behind when they end a relationship are bad mothers. And the reality... On average, sole parents receive social security benefits for approximately three years. The most common length of a marriage, at separation, is around 12 years. Women are more likely than men to initiate separation and apply for divorce. More than half the people who divorce have children. 51% of single mothers are currently in the labour force. 12% of all women live alone. 84% of sole parents live in poverty and the majority are single mothers. Important facts to consider There are important legal, financial and housing issues you'll need to think about when making the decision to end a relationship. Remember, there's no one right way for everyone. The important thing is working out what's right for you. If you're able to negotiate directly with your partner, it's important that you know your legal rights. If not, you may need legal and financial advice or someone to act on your behalf. What is your current financial situation? How will it be affected if you decide to separate from your partner? Are you eligible for government assistance? Do you feel comfortable and safe where you are living? Do you need to make other housing arrangements? If you have children, you may need to think about what to tell them, and consider what arrangements need to be made for them. What do I need to do now? Once you have decided to end your relationship it's important to get organised. As daunting as this may seem initially, it will actually help you feel more secure, emotionally and financially. Some practical steps to take Write down the date of your separation in your diary or notebook. List all your assets and debts, both joint and personal. Consider your financial situation and draw up a budget. Freeze joint accounts at banks and other financial institutions. Open your own account at a bank, credit union or community bank. Redirect your pay into your own account. Do you need to change your will? Is any property in your partner's name? If so, you may need to lodge a caveat or take other legal action to avoid it being sold off before final property settlement. If you are renting your home, is your name on the lease? You may need to have the lease changed or risk being held liable for any damage or rent arrears caused by your partner. Have I got copies or originals of all the documents I need? Passport Birth certificate Citizenship papers Marriage certificate Driver's licence Health care card Bank books, ATM and credit cards Bank statements Tax returns and tax records Titles of ownership and property deeds Partnership and company records Details of joint and personal debts Guarantees Wills Car registration Mortgage and home loan details Rental agreement Centrelink/Austudy number Insurance policies (eg home, contents, car, life and superannuation) Contact details for your accountant and lawyer Should I stay with my partner or leave? Making the decision to stay in a troubled relationship can be just as difficult as choosing to leave. Weighing up all the issues can at times be totally overwhelming but ultimately, you're the only one who can make the decision. It may be helpful to talk to someone you trust or seek assistance from a professional counsellor to clarify your thoughts and sort out what you want to do. Whatever you decide, you are the only person who knows what's best for you. And this must be respected. Can I get my partner to leave? You may be leaving the relationship, but do you need to leave the home? Women who decide to end relationships, often find that their partners are very angry and resentful. This can be even more of a problem if you want to stay in your home and have asked your partner to leave. If your partner does not agree you may need to get legal advice about a sole occupation order so that you can remain in your home. Deciding what you want, both now and in the future, is very important. If you own or are buying your own home, your long term goal may be to buy your partner out and move back into your home later on. There is also provision in the law to be legally separated under one roof. This will of course depend on whether you can negotiate this with your partner. I've decided to leave, but where do I go? Many women have families, friends or supportive networks they can turn to, at least in the short term, when they leave their home. Others of course do not, and for most women, the need to choose a new place to live is one of the most important decisions they'll have to make. In weighing up housing options, you'll need to think carefully about your financial situation. If you decide to move out of your home, neighbourhood or community you'll also need to consider the impact this may have on your life. This may result in losing the support of your local networks, as well as the upheaval involved if you need to change jobs or your children's schools. Housing options Staying with trusted friends or family can be a good short term option while you work out what you want to do next. Private rental is the only immediate housing option available, and has the advantage ofoffering much wider choices in location and style of accommodation. Share accommodation can make private rental more affordable. Income tested rent assistance is available to women on low incomes for private rental properties. Contact Centrelink for more information about eligibility and how to apply. You may also be eligible for a bond loan through the Office of Housing to help establish a private rental tenancy. Public housing rental is not a good immediate option even for women in crisis. While it is possible to apply for housing as a priority, the application process is complex and there are extremely long waiting lists. For women leaving violent relationships, refuges are safe places in secret locations that offer accommodation in the short term. For more information see the WIRE information sheet Domestic Violence. Transitional Housing Managers (THMs) receive government funding to provide housing information and referral services to people in crisis. They also have limited funding to assist in establishing and maintaining housing. Each THM has a different approach to providing services and financial assistance. For information on the THM closest to you, contact WIRE. Getting legal advice For information about your legal options including crimes compensation and intervention orders see WIRE information sheet Getting Legal Advice. Where do I go for help? WIRE Community legal centres Financial counsellors Relationship and mediation service Counselling services Self-help and mutual support groups Legal-on-line Victoria Legal Aid Family Court Human Services Office of Housing Centrelink Law Institute Tenants Union Transitional Housing Managers Women's Legal Service Contact WIRE for an up-to-date contact list of the services available: Phone 1300 134 130 for the cost of a local call, or 13 36 77 (National Relay Service for hearing impaired women) Drop in to the Women's Information Centre on the Ground Floor, Queen Victoria Women's Centre, 210 Lonsdale St, Melbourne Email us at inforequests@wire.org.au References Centre for Population and Urban Research, Monash University, 1997 Commonwealth Office of the Status of Women Australian Bureau of Statistics, Australian Social Trends, 1999 The Council of Single Mothers and their Children The production of these sheets was made possible with a grant from the Law Foundation. Every effort has been made to ensure the information contained in this sheet is accurate and current at the time of printing. However, no responsibility will be taken for the accuracy or reliability of the information, or for any loss which may arise from errors, omissions, or changes to government policy or the law.

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